Physical Training Nov 2003
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Strive to Achieve
by Lubna Kirvana Strive to Achieve by Lubna Kirvana

I Am Different

Copyright © Lubna Kirvana 2003. All rights reserved.

Sadness covered my smile for a while,
I see a man and a woman playing with their child,
there is laughter around them,
its Thanks giving, its Christmas, its New Year
its the first day to school, its graduation day
Same, yet, different,

I know, not like YOU & YOU, different in every sense
Different perception, different wants, different needs

Different! Why am I different? from YOU & YOU
 I have two eyes, a nose, a month, two arms, two hands,
two legs, a heart, a mind, and a soul,
all the same as YOU & YOU.

Yet, why do I acclaim that I am different, than YOU & YOU
maybe because, I am a bit eccentric, like Dali, a scientist like Leonardo da Vinci,
a poet like Shakespeare, a psychic like Nostradamus
Yet, the question still stays
 I AM different

I AM different
Is it my choice, maybe?
Is it genetics, maybe?
Is it circumstances, maybe?
Is it coincidence, maybe?
All I know is
I AM different

I AM different
You ask, how do I know? I know
I knew, since grade 5
I was shy, I was scared, I was terrified
Some days lost, some days alone, some days lonely

I kept it all in, my secret, my dreams, and my desires
I waited, for a time, when I could forgive myself, so YOU, could forgive me too

In few dark moments of my existence, I found my calm, in knowing
I am made of love too, I deserve joy too,
just like YOU & YOU
I kept telling myself it belongs to me, itís my birthright too
Just like YOU & YOU

My lie was your truth, I try to make you happy, so I could be sad
I tried and tried, finding every day harder and harder to learn my own truth, not yours
To have the courage to face it, to make you understand
I AM different
Is it my choice, maybe?
Is it genetics, maybe?
Is it circumstances, maybe?
Is it coincidence, maybe?
All I know is
I AM different

I AM different
One day, my eyes couldnít open, too much substance in my body,
Just another outlet to escape from my reality,
 Lying, in guilt & confusion
Feeling absolute disconnection from my surrounding, in this spec of time,
my mind racing, with my heart beat, trying to catch up, trying to win
asking all kind of questions, which were so hard to answer?
In the state of numbness, my mind kept questioning
my soul, removing one layer, after the other, which I spend building up all these years,
hiding from YOU & YOU

After countless moments, I finally made a connection within
Realizing, Reminding myself
No more facades, no more masks
I am as real as YOU & YOU
I am as strong, I am as kind, I am as HUMAN

 I live my strength, I own my truth
Not mama and papas
Not what you saw on TV, Media, newspapers, when you were growing up
Not what the society preached, not what the pope said

Who were YOU, to tell me I was wrong, make me stand outside, just because,
I was different

I AM different, Yes I am,
Just because, I donít choose the same as YOU
Just because, I dress brighter than YOU
Just because, I desire what YOU are told not too

Yes, all this makes me different, I know
I AM different
 Yet, I am breathing,
Yet, my heart is beating,
Yet, I am contributing
 Just like YOU & YOU

It took me a long time, to celebrate, to announce, this difference,
I AM different

I AM different
Its still gets a bit hard, it still gets a bit painful, at times
Yet, I feel an air of certainty,
As I accept myself, as I love myself
For who I am, I was & will be
Its my decision, its my truth, not YOURS & YOURS

You can be part of me, be with me,
You can accept me, my world,
You can cherish me, like me, value me
 It doesnít matter,
less & less,
Seconds by seconds

As, now, I like who I see in the mirror
As, now, I hear who I really am
As, now, I feel my uniqueness
As, now, I experience my reality

Itís your choice, I choose mine,
I know,
I AM different

I AM different
This fact, doesnít make me cry, no more
I AM different
Itís who I am
I AM different
Itís how I want to live my life

I am different
No one can take this away, from me, no more
As, I am different
Yes, I am different

Contributing this poem to our wonderful gay community in Toronto

Strength of each one of you makes this society wieldy, celebrating human individuality, and evolving our city towards liberation and openness to diversity

For more columns check out the column archives.

Lubna Kirvana owes Strive Fitness, her freelance services include the Yatna program, one on one or group yoga, physical training and nutrition counselling at the convenience of your home, office or at EPIC, one of the most chic gyms in downtown Toronto.

For more information and rates contact Lubna Kirvana at 416-822-1207 or e-mail at Our Sponsor, SDKsupplies

Physical Training Nov 2003